Wannabe Bond villain Klaus Schwab began life in sleepy Cambourne, Cornwall. Klaus at an early age was bullied for being an ‘outsider’. In a town where 96% of the male population were called Jethroe, Klaus (or ‘fat ugly cunt’ as he was referred to) became disillusioned with British life and sank into deep depression.
In the Summer of ’63 Klaus hurried himself to the cinema in Penzance to watch From Russia With Love, to perhaps catch a glimpse of love, romance, chivalry, bravery and all round good egg and snappy dresser Sean Connery but upon leaving the cinema with his chum Jethroe, there was only one desire – to buy a big fuck off leather chair, a hairy cat and be a cunt. He wanted to be Blofeld and nothing would stop him.
The popularity of Star Wars in 1977 and the ensuing Jabba jibes only drove him deeper into despair. But this fairly young, but still ugly in a serious house fire (with paraffin) kind of way, could not be put down.
To emerge was a monster of epic proportions, much like his dinner plate of lobster and small children.
That’s it. You’re up to date. Please add any updates on Klaus to Wikipedia who no doubt will edit it to make sure it’s gay. But in this instance, they may not be wrong.
Don’t forget to Eat Ze Bugs.
